Sometimes it's hard juggling relationships as a new mother. We read all about it in Tuesday's post. If you need a refresher or missed out completely, you can find it here.
So what about the flipside of the coin? I've recruited my child free girlfriend, who has plenty of new mom friends, to tell the story straight.
It turns out that just like their new mom friends, women without children feel tired sometimes, empowered other times, and lonely when their new moms friends ditch them for other moms.
Here are 7 Things Women Without Kids Want Their New Mom Friends to Know:
1. Don’t constantly ask me when I’m planning on having a child. Since you have experienced the joys of motherhood, almost all of our conversations revolve around being a mom; and often the question of when I will become a mom comes up. I know you want me to share in this experience with you (and of course our kids will be best friends too!), but let me make the decision when I am ready.
Until then, let’s talk about something other than my reproductive future.
2. Don't apologize for your child. When we grab lunch together and your baby gets a little fussy, I am not embarrassed. I love you and your baby and I want to spend time with you both.
A crying baby is normal and I understand that she’s going to have a meltdown (or two) over the course of lunch. You go ahead and take care of the baby… and I’ll take care of that rude old lady giving us dirty looks.
3. I’m an adult too. Sure, I’m still spending my money on designer handbags and happy hours while you are buying eco-friendly disposable diapers and making your own organic baby food, but that doesn’t mean that I haven’t grown up.
You might assume that I am still hanging on to my crazy college days because I am not ready to be a mother yet, but rest assured when it comes to my career, relationships, 401 (k) plan- I am crushing being an adult.
4. Don’t ditch me for your friends with kids. During your nine months of pregnancy, I realized our margarita nights would become few and far between. Now you are replacing Tequila Tuesdays with playdates at the library- and I respect that, even though I do feel a little left out when I see your Facebook posts with your new mom friends.
So remember to invite me to birthday parties or schedule playdates with me (I like to think of myself as the cool aunt!) There are things that only your friends with kids will understand, but never forget I loved hanging out with you before you had a baby and I still love hanging out with you, and now your little sidekick too.
5. I can be exhausted too. I try not to complain, but sometimes working 60 hours a week, planning a wedding, or just not being able to sleep at night is exhausting. The last thing I want to hear is “yea, you think you are tired now, but wait until you have a baby.”
I know you don’t mean it to sound condescending but I’m telling you now, you sound condescending. Sure, I don't have sleepless nights because I have a hungry, fussy baby to feed, but you better believe my fussy boss and her (unreasonable) deadlines keep me up at night.
So just let me say I am worn-out, nod in agreement and let this one go. Tired is tired.
6. Adult time has it's boundaries. The rules are simple: don’t ask to bring the baby to “adult only” events; don’t plan a girls night at your house only for us to sit on your couch for two hours watching the baby crawl in that cage thing; and for the love of God don’t talk about your mucous plug more than once in the span of a dinner date.
7. I look up to you now, more than ever. I have watched my best friend transform into an amazing woman. You are my role model when it comes to this work/life balance thing. I see you doing it all while already being able to fit into those pre-baby jeans (seriously how?!) So yes, maybe we don’t live text Real Housewives anymore, but when you text me at 3am (when I know there's probably a baby on your boob), I know you care.
I look up to you now more than ever. I realize how lucky I am to call such a badass lady my best friend- and now someone else is even luckier to call her mommy.
Allison Dye is not a mom but takes pride in being the "cool aunt" to all of her best friends' babies. She has a day job at a law firm but enjoys when her friends let her moonlight as a "blogger" on their websites. On any given day you can find Allison planning her 2017 wedding, reading a book she checked out from the public library or eating way too much guacamole at a Mexican place with her girlfriends.
